My Dearest Relative
Being in your presence, silently absorbing your stories about your life and the trials and tribulations of other relatives, stings. It feels like those times when I sat through having an SCurl texturizer being applied to my scalp. Enduring the eventual burn, because I believed that having my curls loosened just enough would make me more attractive and lovable for the person I believed should be in my life.
Family is those who love and support one another in healthy, honest ways.
The pain I feel when you tell me who is dating, married, or divorced is a cruel way to know that you care little about the romantic love that may or may not be in my life. I know this is true because you never ask. And believe me, I wait for the questions about my life that hint at your cousin, nephew, or brother being romantically attracted to men.
Often, I feel like your therapist, listening to you share the highs and lows of your daily life. And when the time is up, you smile, grab your keys, and you leave. Leaving me full of emotions, aspirations, and expectations that have little to do with my life.
I’m thankful for the family I have in my life.
The emptiness I feel is like being alone in an underground cave. No matter how long or how loud I scream, no one is there to hear me.
Accepting who I know you may never be does not mean I don’t love you. But it has helped me to know the difference between family and relatives. Relatives are individuals who are biologically connected. Family is those who love and support one another in healthy, honest ways.
I’m thankful for the family I have in my life. Close friends and relatives who encourage me to be myself. My goal each day is to provide the space for them to do the same. Lovingly, honestly, and openly.